I went outside last night and the sky was the most perforated I’ve seen it this season. I wasn’t privy to this before, so hopefully I can keep it in mind for next year.
I turn twenty-four in a few days, and already, with each word, it’s practically ineffable the person I know myself to be. If you know me, I can speak pretty candidly about my traits, my preoccupations, and my plans—as if I have any fragment of control over these things. Generally, I employ what I can and allow the results to carry themselves out like an experiment. I get more and more meticulous each year.
Recently, I’ve had it in my mind that I’ve acquired a healthy dose of friends over the years. And, actually, the quality of friends has improved significantly within the last two. Did I do anything to deserve it? I’m not sure.
These days I’m not as reticent as I used to be—I choose to speak or not to speak. Likewise, I choose to participate in friend things if I want.
This is particularly conditional, and I personally don’t find them qualities conducive to having many friends—that, and being poor. But if these are the qualities that permit me to have the few quality friends that I do, then I’ll hold them as close to my heart as my friends.
If there’s anything to know, the least I can do is know myself. I believe it was Kerouac that said, “One has no direction to go but inward”, and I do feel that this is the overall trend. I notice this trend, too – with photography, music, and even stand-up comedy – that they can be especially diaristic.
With any creative, humanistic pursuit, I think it’s important to make it personal, and I think it’s important to allow oneself to be utterly vulnerable. In the words of Miles Davis, “Man, sometimes it takes you a long time to sound like yourself.”